Also, ditch the pickup lines and cheesy one-liners. Overall, participants in the study preferred openers that were more innocuous or direct. Otherwise, just go for it and offer to buy them a drink or make a unique compliment.
A light touch, done carefully, is an extremely effective form of flirting for both men and women. Light touching shows interest beyond a doubt. In the book Close Relationships , Dr. Pamela Regan , a professor of psychology at California State University, suggests there are three main types of social touch. It involves gentle and informal touching around the shoulder or waist, and the almost-always effective touch on the forearm. One study, published in Social Influence , found that a light touch on the forearm increased the chance participants would give out their phone number or go on a date.
Just be sure the atmosphere is right when you try it, or you might make them feel uncomfortable. Nerdlove says good flirting is about riffing and playing off what one another says. If you say something unfunny or upsetting, apologize and change the topic. When in doubt, Nerdlove suggests you just be a great listener.
I know, when you're walking down the hall and you see your crush approaching, it can be the scariest feeling in the world. Your gut reaction will probably be to look down at your phone and pretend like you're in a furious text conversation, but ignore those instincts, look up, and smile at them. No need to get into a big conversation unless you want to! Just take a half-second to wave, say hi, then keep moving. Boom—you'll be on your crush's radar. Ignore your crush It sounds counterintuitive, doesn't it?
But imagine running into your crush and a group of their friends at McDonald's. Say hi to their friends first and strike up a convo.
Your crush will feel the tiniest bit left out, until you turn to include them and make their day. Master the bump-and-flatter.
You can laugh and say, "Oh, sorry. I become a total klutz around cute people. That's when you introduce yourself and start a convo. Let them catch you looking at them. I know, this seems so scary. Usually, when someone catches you staring you look away quickly so they don't realize you were literally drooling while watching them eat a hamburger.
But, next time, try this instead. Gather up all the confidence you can. Then when your crush catches you staring, smile back at them, maybe even wink. It will prove that you're confident AF and will give them the excuse to come talk to you. Don't overthink it. In between those times you can take a sip from your drink or take in the rest of the room for a bit. This balance will display both interest and confidence. Whether you're dating the person IRL or getting to know each other over FaceTime and something embarrassing happens, try your best not to get flustered, Fields suggests.
If you spill a bit of wine on your shirt during a date, once you've cleaned up, instead of dwelling on the situation, try and make light of it by saying something like: "That's what I get for trying get dressed up for you.
And there's a good chance they're also occasionally clumsy. This can be a tough one to do because giving someone a genuine compliment calls for vulnerability, Fields explains, because it means getting real about how you feel about their look, personality, outfit, etc.
But chances are, even if you feel a little nervous about telling them you love when they scrunch up their nose when they're deep in thought, they'll appreciate the kind words and your authenticity, says Fields.
One of the benefits of the rise in dating apps is that, in some ways, you can be more open virtually than you might be face-to-face, Fields says. The person you're talking to virtually will likely get a glimpse of your home during video calls and you might see their rescue dog walking around in the background.
Use that to your advantage to get flirty and maybe suggest an IRL doggy playdate down the line. This goes hand in hand with using your surroundings—whether you're at a bar or getting to know each other over video chat. Make sure to take note of certain things about the person and ask questions, Fields emphasizes.
If you've chatted with them a few times and notice they always wear the same necklace, ask why it's special to them. Or maybe a unique painting on their wall's caught your eye; ask them for the story behind it. This will show them you're interested in taking the relationship deeper than just the surface level. Once you've been talking to someone for a while, you'll have more room to bring some more levity into your interactions.
Fields suggests leaning into this as much as possible.
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