He should wait at home. We were appalled. At least, as far as we knew. The incident made me wonder if we were doing enough to educate him of the importance of tolerance and acceptance. We also explained that different kinds of people can be friends, love each other and hang out together and that it was important to treat everyone the same. He asked what we were talking about. I told him, in very simple terms, that some people did very bad things to other people because they had different skin colours.
The music was all Motown, soul and disco; it was all about funky feelings and loving each other. We share a love of old movie musicals, books and British TV, but her whiteness and my Blackness just never came up. I have never felt more Black than I do in this current climate. Perhaps this is why it jarred me so to hear someone question my connection to Simone.
She is of me, as is her brother. Someone questioning our connection felt like a dismissal of her Blackness. Theo and Simone will grow up with white privilege due to their appearance, just as I have privilege as a light-skinned woman of colour. So I want them to feel connected to their Black roots, through music, food, stories and traditions. Twelve-year-old Moesha from Glasgow struggles to fit in. She is white and her twin sister, Ebony and mother Stacey are black.
Stacey feels that her daughter's difference in skin colour has had an affect on her self-esteem and body image. What you see is what you get. Moesha puts on this act for everybody. Moesha is just that bit more vulnerable.
She tries to fit in but I don't think she knows where she fits in. Moesha was bullied at primary school for not being the same colour as her mother, which led to her feeling a sense of distinction from her family.
One in every 10 children in Britain is mixed race and this number is increasing all the time. The likelihood is that black and white twins could become more commonplace in society and not such a rarity. Twin brothers, Thomas and Wesley Charnock, 29, from Manchester have been subjected to racism in their life because of their different skin tones.
If they can pass as white , they might only identify as white. As they get older and they start to understand skin colour and race on a deeper level, they may identify more with their black parent, even going so far as to say they are not white at all. Another thing to consider is that siblings may identify differently from each other because of how different they look and their experiences as a result.
Have the discussions about race early on to ensure your children are comfortable discussing it with you. For a step-by-step guide to talking about race, click here. After the joy of having a new grandchild wears off, pressure will set in from family about how to raise your child.
Starting from discussions about circumcision, ear piercing, the list goes on. Be prepared. Parents are likely to get involved in any family but when it comes to identity and culture, families can come from a place of fear of losing their cultural traditions when it comes to your children. Older relatives may even be stuck in a different generation where things were done for hygienic, economic or practical reasons.
Those reasons might not exist today and may not apply to your home country so decide whether these traditions are still right for you and your children. The first bath in Nigerian culture for our little ones was a great example of this. Hence, its significance is not practical anymore but the cultural value I could recognise, was still relevant and important to my husband. Your interracial kids are going to take on some aspects of your culture, but not all.
Just as you probably did growing up and then going on to have your own family. I remember that feeling well, wincing in shame when one of my friends commented that my house always smelled like exotic food. I hated being different. Now I try to make a fusion of food so my little ones can experience it all. As they get older though, trust that your children will be proud of who they are.
Maturity brings with it pride in being able to be different and feeling comfortable.
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